yesterday...
I felt the pull, to get off the highway on the way home...
and travel a different way...
knowing without knowing...
there was a reason...
and as soon as I saw this pow-wow...
I knew why...
I walked around...
humble...
grateful...
the drumming...
the energy...
filled my soul...
I shed a few tears of gratitude...
and was on my way...
to be in the presence of the very same willow tree from my Vision...
to touch her with my very own hand....
to stand toe to toe, barefoot on naked earth with the very soul who first appeared in my Vision and then revealed himself to me in my dream...
this is my path...
and I have never felt more at home....
in my whole life...
than I do right now...
thank you Mother Earth for loving and adoring me as you do...
and giving me so much to love in return...
peace, love, respect, gentle...
Zena Moon "Wisdom" & "Air" candles aglow....
tonight....
I was blessed with a phone call from a dear soul....
one of the things we discussed was something we are both working through....
I knew beforehand that this would be one of the topics of discussion...
so before we spoke....
I began MENDING...with intention...my favorite pair of jeans that ripped while I was wearing them about a month ago....
as a symbol...
to honor the healing process of what I knew we would both so openly share...
I will continue this evening to honor us both in our bravery and openness with each other....
and I will continue mending these jeans with intention...
for both of us...
ORANGE...
I quite like it....it warms my heart...it comforts me....
as far as colors go, the only one that can stand a chance against orange for me is purple...
tonight, I did as I do...
looked over the flowers at Trader Joe's...
fell in love with the white Stock and the yellow Ranunculus...each...$5.99/bunch
but as usual, only felt worthy of the $3.99 selections...
so I chose these orange beauties.
still feeling tender and vulnerable tonight....
hoping it's just the pull of the moon and no need for concern....
photo taken while strolling tonight as my duds went round and round at the laundro...
maybe it's the pull of the full moon tonight....
but my heart feels heavy...and has since yesterday....
feeling very tender....pulling in to protect myself.
As I walked to the coffee shop while my clothes were washing, this ensemble in the window of CladIn caught my eye...
I'm not so drawn to the "over" top, but the dress that is peeking out from underneath....I {heart} it so....
I imagine it probably costs in the neighborhood of $845749459459745 dollars in this chic little store....
but even so, I've decided I'm going to go try it on when the store is open.
heck, maybe I'll even muster enough self-worth to actually buy it if it feels as amazing as it looks...
I am fighting these days for my self-worth....knowing that in a few weeks, I'll be able to roam barefoot in a wide open safe space...connecting with earth and water, fire and sky....and another soul who thus far, I've only met in my dreams....
honoring my journey...
self-portrait February 9, 2012
...all because of a dream....
she came to me...2/1/12...photo by AM Raven
gently....she came to me...today...good medicine...timely...
"Swan ushers in a time of altered states of awareness and development of your intuitive abilities. Swan people have the ability to… accept the healing and transformation of their lives. Swan gently nudges you to accept your ability to know what lies ahead. If you are resisting your self-transformation, relax; it will be easier if you go with the flow… Pay attention to your hunches and your gut knowledge, and honor your female intuition..."
"similar to the Hans Christian Anderssen story of "The Ugly Duckling", Swan medicine can show you how to see the inner beauty within yourself or in others regardless of outer appearances..."
she spoke...with no sounds...just a knowing...
today...I had a hint of fear...that my past "uglies" would be seen...
and that might take away from the life-changing power of beauty that emerged when I was released free from that past.
our encounter soothed my soul...
shortly after our encounter, I stopped at a favorite local shop...
to purchase a small gift of a favorite scent to send in a package to the very person I was concerned might view my uglies as...
well...
ugly.
As I was paying for the scents...I noticed a stack of thought cards...inviting me to choose one...
I reached into the stack, and blindly chose....
more affirmation regarding...
my Vision...
yes..."cosmic connections" abound...
image found on tumblr...
much needed wisdom for my soul...
I feel that so few understand the nature of me...
how I am moved by the simple...
how I am moved by the subtle...
picking up pebbles...
toes in the grass...
my heart beats differently...
but no one seems to hear it like I do...
been snuggled in like a hibernating bear since yesterday...
a bit under the weather...
snuggled into the covers, sleeping, letting my body heal itself...
crawled out briefly for a cup of lemon ginger tea, a baked potato, and some time with a book given to me by one of my patrons...
I rarely get sick...(last time I can remember was about 2 years ago)...
strange as it may seem...
I'm feeling grateful for this pause...this forced solitude...
last week, things moved way too fast for me...
I was caught up in things that did not allow me the space to dwell and marinate in what I really wanted to...my perspicacious nature was veiled by the distractions around me...
so today it feels good...(even though I feel a bit under the weather)...
to be still...
to recalibrate...
to center myself...
protection & peace within...
easing...releasing...
healing...quietly...
ceremony 12-25-11
Today, I opened the tipi flap to my soul.
for me, it was about rebuilding Cantewasake -(can-te-wah-sha-keh) - fortitude, strength of heart and mind.
Originally, I was not supposed to be alone on this day...
but 1 week ago, I felt the wisdom of the elders, the intuition and insight was clear...
and I knew that I would be left alone...again...
the anticipation of the blow, somehow this time, made the sting duller than usual...
but it stung nonetheless.
Instead of letting the disregard and rejection consume me...I turned inward...
knowing that the pain of giving too much, to too many, over the past several weeks has caught up with me once again...
and left me completely alone.
Instead of condemning myself for caring too much...for giving too much, today, I honored myself...
I slept late, I loved myself, I lounged, I read, I cooked, I painted, I enjoyed the quiet, I had ceremony, I drummed, I centered and I did not speak one word aloud...
a day that I was trepidacious about just a few days ago, became a day that I am graciously marinating in...
feeling humble & grateful today...
Honoring the solstice is something lost to most, so today, rather than honoring a holiday that holds nothing for me, it feels deeply meaningful to choose to make a connection to the ancients who speak to me, strengthen me and guide me back to my path when I go astray...
